The Noise Inside Your Head

by Ellen Aldridge, Former Kaio Community Member

These past few weeks sure have been a doozey. A few weeks ago, I had the unfortunate experience of getting initiated into the “Hit by a Door on a Bike,” Club and my knee has been hurting ever since. My doctor order an MRI scan to figure out what’s going on inside my knee, and when I went to have the scan, they stuck me inside this little tube and told me not to move. Fortunately, though, I got to pick out some music to listen to while I had the 30-minute test. I settled in and prepared to lie there and listen to some tunes. But instead of music, I was startled to hear:

MRAAAAHHHHHWAHHHWAHHHWAHHHWAHHH CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG

Then silence, with only the faint sound of Gabrielle Aplin playing in the background. “Maybe that was just the beginning part, and now it will be relaxing,” I hoped. Just as I was being lulled by the dulcet tones, once again I heard:

MRAAAAHHHHHWAHHHWAHHHWAHHHWAHHH CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG

MRAAAAHHHHHWAHHHWAHHHWAHHHWAHHH CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG

The noise did not stop for 30 minutes. If you know me at all, you know that I deplore loud noises. I couldn’t think about anything else while I was in there because the noise was so overwhelming. But while I was lying there on that cold, hard bed, my head spinning, I realized that perhaps this was something like what people felt when they were in the midst of an addiction.

When you are in the middle of an addiction, your brain has been hijacked. There is nothing else that is even remotely as important as getting that next fix. Everything else is drowned out by the overwhelming noise in your brain that says, “Do whatever you need to do to get that next high.” Is it really any wonder that it is difficult to talk to people who are struggling with something like that?

I have had my own struggles in the past and to some extent, I can understand what it’s like to feel that all-encompassing desire to pursue something that will, in the end, destroy you. For me, it was so important to have people who cared about me be a consistent presence in my life. At first, it was more like the music in the background, something that I could only hear in those small and infrequent quiet moments in my life. However, as time moved on, I began to hear them more clearly above the noise and finally, Jesus spoke. His voice wasn’t loud, but it cut through the clamor like nothing else had before.

As I work with the men at Emmaus, I truly hope that my presence and that of all the Emmaus staff can be the quiet music that eventually heralds in the voice of Jesus. Please join me in praying that His voice cuts through the cycle of destruction and leads the men to the path that brings eternal life.